PDA & Praise
We PDAers are intolerant to praise so long as we are being praised for something that did not come naturally to us. We have all heard the stories about children with PDA who may, occasionally, muster up the motivation to complete a homework assignment, only to destroy it upon receiving a compliment from the teacher who set the assignment in the first place. The compliment, in this case, implies that the teacher has either won, seized control/the upper hand, or totally failed to acknowledge the child for who they really are - all of which indicate a sense of separation. It is based on the teacher getting what they want, and not on a reciprocal, cooperative or joint effort towards a particular end that benefits both child and teacher. The teacher gets what they want and the child doesn't; therefore, the PDA child must immediately restore the balance by nothing short of reversing or destroying their work - the work which, in the teachers eyes, is representative of the child 'doing as they should' (PDAers need to feel a sense of absolute balance and fairness with everyone and everything). It is a triple hit of not being acknowledged, ceding control, and a situation that is not based on mutual respect, agreement or interest.
Can the same apply when the PDA individual praises themselves? Of course. So long as there is pressure to complete the work by a certain time or for the work to be at a particular standard, the completion of the work could immediately be followed by an almost self-sabotaging act of the absolute eradication of anything produced by the individual themselves.
You see, so long as there is a sense of separateness between the activity and the individual, there will always be room for a demand.
When the teacher sets the PDA child a homework assignment (provided the child can meet the demand of actually starting the work), the child does not feel at one with the activity or the person who commands the activity. The very fact the activity was enforced in the first place indicates separation and imbalance, as does the manner with which the activity is enforced.
If the PDA individual begins to question that which they are doing (that they have decided to undertake themselves) the nature of the internal dialogue might be an indication of separation, thus, a demand can wiggle its way in and ultimately lead to the cessation of the task or the reversal/destruction of the progress. The word 'nature' being the operative word here. If there is a sense of 'I have to complete this', a demand will likely launch an attack. If the individual merely perceives the activity as a 'task' then the individual has separated themselves from the activity; thus, a demand is born, which ultimately leads to the individual destroying that which they have achieved. Here there is a sense of: 'I did that', which is problematic because the 'I' manipulated the 'that'; which indicates separation from the activity. Whereas there is zero separation insofar as things 'just happen organically'. This would be what is described in psychological literature as a 'flow state'; feeling at one with or immersed in an activity to which one applies 'hyper-focus.' A flow state is the perfect way for a PDA individual to get things done. They occur very organically and cannot be forced, and once they occur, the individual becomes, as I said, at one with whatever they are doing. So when an adult PDAer, for example, finds themselves in a flow state, they're not just doing an activity, they ARE the activity, but as soon as they zoom out and shift their perspective and focus on the DOING aspect, not the BEING aspect, there becomes a sense of 'I am doing something' which will invite in a demand that could end in the destruction of the activity.
Can praise ever work? Yes, so long as the person praising (the individual included) can acknowledge the essence and meaning that lines the activity, and insofar as the activity is shared and there is a common goal.
The child with PDA at school who rips up their homework in front of the teacher who praised them, wants to be acknowledged for their true attitude towards the homework; actually doing it was not representative of how they feel about the homework, but ripping it up IS. Provided they are doing something that comes naturally to them, and provided they are seeking feedback, there is no reason why praise wouldn't be welcomed in.
When I was at school, and I would deliberately NOT do my homework, when my teacher would say something like 'that's appalling!' I would feel complimented, like I had done something right. If I did something right in the teacher's eyes, that didn't come naturally to me, I would feel as though I had failed myself. The longer this went on, the more destructive I would eventually become so as to compensate for not being myself. In a school environment, destroying the system came so naturally to me, and I wanted to be acknowledged for my efforts! When a child would praise me for being the class clown, I'd rejoice and glow, because I realised that a lot of the children shared my desire for chaos. If a teacher bristled and punished me for my 'naughty' behaviour, I'd still rejoice and glow, because I knew that the teachers had to maintain the order of the system I so fervently sought to dismantle. If they were pissed off, they were acknowledging me for who I naturally was! Which means I must have been doing something right - in my own little twisted way.