Is It Invalidation Trauma Rather Than Over-Reaction?

If someone is having an extreme reaction to a "small" remark, it isn't because they are "overreacting", as there's no such thing as an "overreaction".

They are having a PTSD response due to years of invalidation trauma.

People often make the mistake of looking for evidence of "obviously" traumatic events. Autistic people aren't only traumatised very easily, but are traumatised by events that many Neurotypical people wouldn't even consider to be traumatic.

Invalidation is subtle and insidious. Think about the Autsitic person for whom sarcasm and dry humour is a mystery. They get told every single day when a comment intended to be humorous goes over their head, "chill out, it's just a joke". Seems like nothing? Well, if this was said to you every single day of your life, you would eventually develop a complex.

The ADHD person who gets told to calm down, or is reprimanded for handing work in late, or who is made to feel bad for not paying attention: they are under attack; worn down by attrition. Their responses are reasonable and make sense given that they are expected to do the impossible in the wrong environment, but they are instead made to feel defective.

We aren't just punished for failing to meet the standards of society. We feel punished by the constant reminders that due to our immutable condition of being, we can never be accepted and can never fit in. We come to realise that the very essence of who we are is the reason we cannot experience joy, success or commonion, and HATE ourselves because of it.

We learn comprehensively, in subtle ways and in gross ways, that it is not okay to be ourselves. This consistent signal from our environment is addressed to each and every corner of our being, for years and years.

Invalidation wears our true essence down until barely a flicker or trace of us remains. This is why such a heavy reliance on the mask develops.

So, when people make "subtle" remarks to which we "overreact", to us, they are not subtle, and our reactions are completely proportionate given our lifetime of constant invalidation. Our authentic self is reminded why it has to go into hiding - the real world is inhospitable.

Invalidation trauma is the result of focusing on what the individual can't do as opposed to focussing on and developing what the individual CAN do. It's no wonder so many of us grow up to see ourselves as worthless failures and completely omit anything good about ourselves whatever - even though we are replete with endearing qualities.

Why focus on the good? We have been shown that the good is worthless.

Mainstream Schools are profoundly hostile to Neurodivergent Flourishing. You wouldn't ignore signs of other abuse: to routinely invalidate a child for who they are is a form of abuse, too. It is just as devastating. Perhaps even more devastating in that invalidation is a little-known form of trauma that isn't taken as seriously.

Why isn't it taken as seriously? Because of ignorance about Neurodivergent experience. If people aren't educated as to how we respond to and engage with the world, our reasonable responses will always be viewed as "overreactions".