How Do I Get My Child To…

When people ask me, "How do I get my child to" questions, I hear two things:

1. That they're not interested in their child or their experiences.

And 2. That they want to win, control, or prevail over their child.

"How do I get my child to" questions are the antithesis to PDA. They are a selfish power play on the part of the adult.

Through taking interest in and asking questions about the child's experiences, one can arrive at their own insights as to "how" to help - not through controlling the child, but through finding shared goals and activities from which the adult and child can mutually benefit.

I detest these questions as well because I am PDA and will, first of all, resist the demand of the question accordingly. And also because I do not recognise authority - either in myself or others.

Someone asking "how" is essentially asking for a method - which implies an intellectual, mechanical approach when PDA can only ever be understood intuitively.

Asking for a method suggests that I am seen as an authority figure by the person asking. Furthermore, the question suggests that I as the perceived authority figure am to somehow teach the person asking the question how to be more authoritative...

This couldn't be more anti-PDA. I am not here to tell you what to do or provide you with any methods or strategies. In conversation, we can explore certain areas with the intention of understanding as much as we can.

When you have sufficient insight into your child, the 'strategy' organically falls into place. Insight brings you closer to your child's world. Mechanical approaches such as "how do i get my child to" questions keeps you at a distance.

"How do I get my child to" questions evince a person's lack of curiosity, creativity, intuition and love for exploration - all of which are vital for PDA living and success.

Nothing irks me more in my professional life than when people ask "how do I get my child to" questions.